that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
