come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
