This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
