Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
