i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
