just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
