I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
