dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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