"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
