Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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