I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
