I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
