my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
