If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
