My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
