So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
