Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
