I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
