so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
