don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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