So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
