you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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