I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
