just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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