they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
