Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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