I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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