i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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