your parents love me but you hate me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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