there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
