Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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