My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
