Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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