When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
