I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we're making bets on your personal life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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