Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
