today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
where are my eyebrows?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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