So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How drunk are you?
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