I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
