either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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