i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
