you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
