Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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