just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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