I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
