just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
