You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
