Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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