i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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