Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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