I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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