I'm drive I can fine osifer
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
