I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm really busy with my period
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