then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
