One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
