I heard we made out
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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