My first STD was from a foam party
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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