Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
