He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
