he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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