So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
