the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
