Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
