She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
