you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
