none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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