you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
false alarm, still single
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