you would pick up someone in the library
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As shirtless as possible
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
