just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
