Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
