the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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