I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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