thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
