I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
