So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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