there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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