I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my shit smells like andre
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
