Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
40s are totally the cure
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
