The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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